I’ve been thinking a lot about my word of the year. Even though I haven’t posted pictures that represent my reflections, trust has become an essential part of each day for me and the word continues to resonate strongly. You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t posted for the last few months. I don’t have any major “excuses,” except that things have been feeling big and I think in a lot of ways too vast to put down in words. We’re moving to Albuquerque in four days. Even as I write this, I’m overwhelmed and tears fill my eyes. It’s not about leaving NYC per se. NYC and I have certainly had a trying relationship at times, but we’re at peace with each other and ready to say goodbye after nearly two years.
I think the tears are about change and the unknown. Although I have a sense of Albuquerque from our weeklong visit, there’s still so much to be discovered and figured out about creating a home and community in a place where I don’t yet know a soul.
The other huge thing is that we’re going to have a baby in September! I could probably write volumes about this. I don’t know if I idealized pregnancy or if I just couldn’t fathom how incredibly wild it is, but it’s certainly not what I expected. What’s funny is until now, I’ve been surprised by my reaction to pregnancy. I guess when I think about it, I’m interacting with the experience in a classic Erin way – introspective, fearful, moments of true contentment, hysterical laughter, lots of tears, obsessive over my weight, and missing my friends and family dearly. As I write this, it occurs to me that this whole time, I’ve been exactly myself – just pregnant.
You can imagine the multitude of ways that trust is so meaningful right now. It’s a daily practice.
Song of the day: The Girl by City And Colour