We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
-Joseph Campbell
Monthly Archives: November 2011
letting go and embracing
I love markings of time – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. I’ve come to realize that it’s because the marking of time provides a structured opportunity to be in the space of that occasion. This year, my birthday was no exception. In fact, I felt pretty contemplative. It was raining and after work I walked home on the Brooklyn Bridge. The bridge was empty except for a few tourists. It’s so rare to be outside in NYC and have that kind of space around you.
So, I’m officially in my mid-thirties. It’s hard to imagine that even the bare outline of my life that I may have sketched when I was younger does not look like my life at all – in a wonderfully crazy way. I’ve learned that I can’t even begin to wrap my arms around the things that I thought I could control. The thing that keeps running through my head is the constant letting go and embracing.
When I first met Bunk, I fell hard. However, I had a really difficult choice to make. I had always dreamed of marrying someone Jewish. I thought about it for a long while and realized that life is not just what I make and create for myself. Really living is a partnership with what comes – life presents opportunities and our choices define how we lead our lives and allow the possibility for exploration and joy. The decision to be with him really marked a change for me in how I participate with life and how I interact with the present.
On some level, this letting go and embracing happens in each moment. It was so nice to just take some time to remind myself of this process and how much more rich life is when I acknowledge it.
dearest darlingest dinosaur
My birthday was on Wednesday. I’ll tell you more about it later. But, I found this in the trash the morning after and thought I’d share it with you. It was pretty spectacular.
Dearest Darlingest Dinosaur,
I am wishing you love, freedom of art expression, and play this coming year. How lucky I am that you live down the road and that I get to share so many passions with you, not the least of which are art and Nathan. I am so lucky to have you in my life, sweet girl. Here’s a little something to warm you this winter. Happy Birthday.
XO,
Char
a voice
There’s something huge happening. It’s powerful. It’s called voice. And it’s trying and fighting to be heard. I work a few blocks away from Zuccotti park. Occupy Wall Street has grown over the last two months. I have to admit, I had no idea that it would get this big and become viral. It’s not surprising though. People are enraged at the economic inequality that exists. Civil rights, women’s suffrage, and many other movements have been based on dissatisfaction with the blatant inequalities that have existed.
The city cleared out OWS this morning and now has new terms under which the protesters can occupy the park. When I came into work this morning, I found people laughing about it. I do get that some people think that protesting is an ineffective way to show opposition, but unless you’re in the one percent (and maybe even then), I can’t understand how someone could not “get” that something’s wrong. It’s amazing and saddening how people can laugh at others for trying to make change.
morning walk
This morning as I walked Jibbs, I noticed several bikes whose wheels or frames had been stolen. I bumped into my friend T who’s lived in the neighborhood for most of his life. I asked him if he knew anything about the thefts. He said that he saw the bikes too. But instead of beginning to explore ideas about who stole the bike parts, he started talking about how whoever stole the parts really needed it. We talked about our economy and what it means to struggle and go to great, sometimes unethical, lengths to feed one’s family. It’s not that I don’t think about things systemically, but this morning, I was caught up in what the thefts meant for our neighborhood, our community. T gave me insight into an even larger sense of community and prompted me to see things from a broader perspective.
no pressure and delicious taffy
I think about posting here about 20 times more than I do. I put so much pressure on myself to write about great things or be eloquent. I need to relax and let go of what I think is expected of me. (This is a huge life lesson for me). Today I’m going to write about things that make my life interesting and my days colorful:
- Last night someone set off some fireworks in the middle of the street. I don’t know why, but it caught me off guard that it made me so happy. In the past, I might have spent time wondering who did it or if it was unsafe. All I kept thinking was – I’m loving this moment.
- The other day I saw a small kitten on the walk to the gym. It didn’t have any eyes. It was really upsetting because I realized that someone wasn’t keeping him on purpose and that he was going to die. I rang the doorbells of three houses nearby and asked someone on the street and no one knew who the kitty belonged to.
- I had a really lovely talk with my upstairs neighbor this morning. She’s lived in NYC for over two years and has had a very similar experience as me. Everything here seems more intense. People work harder, play harder and then collapse. She was saying that the people who live here seem adjusted to and have normalized this way of life. People who aren’t from here can’t understand when she tries to describe it. In thinking about it, that’s probably true for a lot of places, but for some reason it feels so much more exaggerated here.
- One thing that I love about Bunk and I is that we both get very excited about treats. On the little trip after our wedding, we were driving and saw a sign for saltwater taffy. We both knew that we needed to turn the car around and search for the store. When we arrived, we both put every single flavor we liked into the bag. You can see what we ended up with. Yum.
dancing and running
Yesterday I went to an Afro-Caribbean Dance & Movement class at the Mark Morris Dance Company. The energy in the room and the ritual of the dance are hard to explain in words. It was the first time since the wedding that I let my body dance and drop into joy. I knew that I could go there and try to get every step right and follow each instruction OR I could listen to the beat of the live drums and feel the solid earth underneath me as I moved. A woman told me in the class that I looked so happy. I told her, “I came here for joy and I’m going to be joyful!” She smiled broadly. The room was filled with fluidity and gratitude. It was an amazing release.
I was caught off guard by another moment today. I went to cheer on the runners in the NYC Marathon. A number of people had their names written on their clothes and when they ran by, I screamed, “Go Carlos!” “Go Juliette!” “You can do this!” I was so inspired by how people push and challenge themselves that tears kept coming to my eyes as I watched them. I was about to head home when a gospel choir came out of the church and started singing for the runners.
(I couldn’t help cheering in this video!)
I needed to push myself this weekend. I was craving inspiration and intentional energy. Happily, that’s what I found.
